Plan B is the new Plan A
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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