Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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