Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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