There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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