I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
