i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
zippers are such a cool invention
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
