The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
