Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
