there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
