butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
