i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
