I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
