Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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