I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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