I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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