What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Green mimosas i think yes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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