Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize