U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
