afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
