Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I supernannyed him into submission
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
