It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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