I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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