if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
