the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
