Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The uberlube is also flammable
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
