Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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