halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
