he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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