I got chris browned last night
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
