You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
