shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
