We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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