Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
