So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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