Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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