Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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