thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
