i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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