Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was born a porn star she said
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
