Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
