Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Pants 0. Shit 1.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
