Duck Duck Cougar?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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