it wasn't lemon gatorade
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize