do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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