oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
