is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
