you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize