Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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