i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
