It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
