I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
