do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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