He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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