tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
