we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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