He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
