Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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