So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
