I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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