i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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