my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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