The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So squirting runs in the family.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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