White coat. Heels.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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