but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
