do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i believe in u and ur pee
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize