can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
