I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
