You made me cry and you don't even care
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
