what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize