Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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