I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
