NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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