did you get engaged???
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's shark week go big or go home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
