Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
