I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
