Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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