saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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