we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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