I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
