I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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