Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
