I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
