I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
