No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
