Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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