Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
