my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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