but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had sex on a roof
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
