Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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