you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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