The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
