i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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