don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize