Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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