Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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