There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
