I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Someone shit on the floor
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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