i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
