Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
