just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
